The Sign I Wave Says "I Need Money And Fast!"

Work is It's Own Reward - But the Car Exhaust Sure Chokes...

Everybody needs a job - sure who doesn't? The people who don't have one sorely want one, the people who do have one want to keep it. Which brings us right back to those wanting one. Unlike some decades past, the USA world seems to be getting rather picky. I have heard anecdotally that on a late '60s and early '70s Friday, machinists in Detroit would ask for the weekend off, be denied, quit, and then get a job at another plant on Monday. Easy times, so I'm told. That's what I heard.

Try that now.

We've all been there - when we drive in any major city we drive past the usual assortment of bums - usually guys who's sign says "Laid off - working for work - anything will help", sometimes you get "why lie? I need a beer". Their appearance and demeanor make them often easy to dismiss - feel free to file them under "sinister drifter with a sign." Sometimes the sign is clever, usually it's a burnt-out cliche.

But then there are the sign wavers. The sign tilters, the sign ballerinas - male and female - gesticulating extravengantly. We want to dismiss them, but we can't. They are by and large clean (if a bit sweaty.) They must be wearing iPods, what with their white branded earbuds clearly visible to escape the sheer boredom. They thrust high signs for Jiffy Lube, they spin their bodies for that suspicious "Liquidation - Going Out of Business" store that has been advertising alleged bankruptcy for 3 years. Is it a scam? Do the Sign Wavers care? No.*

They are of the Sign Waver Clan. And this exploited Clan is growing in numbers. Will I be among them?

It all started with my quest for a job. Really any job. Because if you are donating plasma, then finding your initial deposit is too high in protein and that you have to take multiple tests to donate (and be payed for) more, then fail those (free) tests several times - you find that the golden gates of plasma donation are closed to you. Even if temporarily. Perhaps you'll get your protein levels right, perhaps not. Either way, who really wants to walk into a high-tech room with people hooked up to machines like an episode of "X-Files" pod people?

So you would want a job. In my case, any job.

First stop - the field in which I was trained - graphic design and videography. What's that? Too many employers demand a Bachelors Degree or 5+ years of industry experience? A problem you will solve by applying for other tech jobs, waiting for the call. That call has not come yet.

Rejected by a plasma center and the high-tech world - it's time for menial minimum-wage jobs. But why not make it fun? Thrift stores are fun. And Value Village is very fun. Apply at Value Village.

 This should come as no surprise to anyone who thinks it through, but Value Village (and Goodwill proper) are For-Profit businesses. They aim to make money. One of the few growing companies in this New Digital Age Depression, they make a good business selling used items to often broke people looking for a rumored deal. And of course their inventory does not come just from your once-every-6-months donation of old sweaters, that cord that may go to a record player, a CD player or that hair dryer you dropped on the floor in 1992. No, Value Village gets most of it's donations through cold-calls to various charities, and clear agreements with many charities. It isn't just run on good intentions - cash is transferred.

Not that I mind. Thrift stores are a hoot - it certainly beats sorting Made In China sweaters at the Gap - why not work in a place with the occasional Art Deco Ring amongst the... Made in China sweaters. When I worked at Dick's Drive In in the late '90s - my manager told me when I quit to promise that I would never work in the food industry again. I wish I'd listened - I think she was trying to be nice, I really do. But she did NOT make me promise I wouldn't work for a thrift store.

So no promises were broken when I applied at the Ballard Value Village. And I did an interview - I GOT an interview! Exciting stuff, talking to the hiring manager, making me feel special and appreciated right off the bat. I performed as best I could, trying to delicately weave through questions, and especially weave with nuance how I would not particularly mind a job, front or back store, without coming off desperate.

I walked out of the interview wanting to give high-fives to myself and the world. After extreme months of genuine hardship, I truly looked forward to the opportunity. I followed all the customs of the serious Job-Seeker. I called back a week later to remind them of my interest, and to ask whether I should call again or wait for the call. I was told to wait for a call.

No call.

. 

But they didn't anticipate how dedicated I was to the Value Village dream. Time to apply at the Lynnwood branch.

 My dreams were thoroughly shaken with the initial spontaneous screening. I mentioned my work ethic, my physical fitness, and my genuine belief that an alarm clock is worth setting and waking up to if you have a genuine purpose in the work-life, i.e. a paycheck. Screening seemed to be going well, smiles all around, and seemingly a connection. 

"How do you feel about costumes?"

"Imm?"

"October and Halloween are our biggest months - Christmas for us. Can you dress up every day?"

I said yes, and sure why not? I'm not sure what I could dress as - creative costumes are the talent of my wife - but I'm sure I could squeeze something together.

"Our position may be as a Sign Waver. You would be standing anywhere between the 7-11 and 234th street. Could you work immediately"

Uh-oh. It really has come to this.

"Sure! Yes, indeed. Why not!"

I slunk off - feeling most low.

They called me several days later. I almost didn't call them back to arrange a proper interview. But I did.

The genuine interview - possibly a better one. I'm primed for most of the questions thrown at me, boiler-plate stuff very similar to the Ballard Value Village interview. There are a few quite unexpected questions - "how much jewelry do you buy", "how do you feel about employees taking items home" - (do people say they are aggressively in favor of it?) - I think I handle most questions with aplomb. I have established tha I am not a potential thief.

As it turns out, there may be more (temporary) positions open then just a sign-waver. And that will be a relief, but only if I get the job.

I have now repeated my history by calling them a week later to remind them of my interest, asking whether I should call again or wait for the call. I have been told to wait for the call.

Wish me luck.

*As a Sign Waving side note, does it even work? Have you ever stopped at a shop either spontaneously or planned as a result of slaves with a sign? I'll bet not. Your self-respect will not allow you. But we should be careful. If the economy continues to grind away at the (99% or so I'm told) we may come to a frightening future with a new breed of sign wavers. And not the people you'd want to hire at Value Village.